1 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:32,720 Throughout our history... 2 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:34,720 ...the inhabitants of Krypton... 3 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:37,600 ...lived in perfect harmony... 4 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:39,600 ...with our planet. 5 00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:42,860 But this balance... 6 00:00:42,860 --> 00:00:47,920 ...was brought down by General Zod, our security minister. 7 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:51,980 He began to implement his plan, to bring about a new order. 8 00:00:51,980 --> 00:00:55,380 This "new order", what does he call it... 9 00:00:55,380 --> 00:00:58,020 ...would unleash chaos, across our planet. 10 00:00:58,020 --> 00:01:02,580 I appeal to our good people of Krypton, ruling council of elders... 11 00:01:02,580 --> 00:01:05,220 ...for the abolition of age limits..... 12 00:01:05,220 --> 00:01:07,220 ...diplomatic rules. 13 00:01:08,380 --> 00:01:14,700 If Zod's plan had succeeded, the people of Krypton would not only accept tyranny… 14 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:17,920 ...they would pray for her. 15 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:24,440 I now place the fate of these three in the hands of the Ruling Council. 16 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:26,760 What verdict? 17 00:01:27,580 --> 00:01:30,940 Guilty! Guilty! 18 00:01:30,940 --> 00:01:33,420 Guilty! Guilty! 19 00:01:33,420 --> 00:01:35,140 Guilty! Guilty! Guilty! 20 00:01:35,140 --> 00:01:38,500 The verdict must be unanimous Jor-El! 21 00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:42,300 The final decision is yours! 22 00:01:42,300 --> 00:01:47,800 I want you to be responsible for this yourself, if we are condemned! 23 00:01:54,980 --> 00:01:57,120 Guilty! 24 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:02,500 You didn't hear me last Jor-el! 25 00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:06,360 There is no such prison that will stop me. 26 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:10,320 You and your descendants will kneel before me! 27 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:14,680 You will kneel before Zod! 28 00:02:22,140 --> 00:02:25,340 Ahhh!!! 29 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:43,360 SUPERMAN XXX PORN PARODY 30 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:57,480 ladies and gentlemen, the captain turned on the "fasten your seat belts" sign. 31 00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:00,880 We expect only minor turbulence. 32 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:05,740 So, go back to your seats and fasten your seat belts. Thank you. 33 00:03:20,340 --> 00:03:22,560 Here. Let me help you. 34 00:03:22,780 --> 00:03:25,280 Thank you. 35 00:03:26,220 --> 00:03:28,680 Here you go, bound. 36 00:03:32,940 --> 00:03:37,000 - I don't like this weather. - Yeah, who likes this shit? 37 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:42,640 - To change continents. - I understand. 38 00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:50,200 Can I get you something? before I sit down? 39 00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:51,860 More jet fuel 40 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:57,800 guys, I won't bring you any more whiskey. 41 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,220 So how do we kill time? 42 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:03,860 Maybe Janet will show us what's under her blouse? 43 00:04:03,860 --> 00:04:06,680 Come on, come on! Again! 44 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:11,020 - It's a long flight. - And turbulence? I must take my place! 45 00:04:11,020 --> 00:04:14,520 It's a 747 plane, I can fly alone. 46 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,740 You should sit here. 47 00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:17,820 That's an order. 48 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,620 Well, if you say so. 49 00:04:21,620 --> 00:04:23,940 All right. 50 00:04:23,940 --> 00:04:27,220 Fun in the cockpit! 51 00:04:27,220 --> 00:04:31,100 If you count all the cases that's statistically speaking... 52 00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:33,900 ...air transport is the safest means of transport. 53 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,900 I mean, chances are something will happen here... 54 00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:43,420 ... are almost negligible. 55 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,640 Statistically speaking. 56 00:04:50,940 --> 00:04:53,900 Go on! Take my balls in your hands! 57 00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:57,580 58 00:04:57,580 --> 00:05:00,980 59 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,760 What was that?! 60 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:17,500 We have a fire in the second engine! 61 00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:22,540 Let's try to equalize! 3,2,1... 62 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:25,440 63 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:30,560 flight control, we lost one engine. 64 00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:33,620 65 00:22:33,620 --> 00:22:36,240 SOS! SOS! 66 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,080 67 00:22:41,020 --> 00:22:44,020 I shouldn't eat this beef. 68 00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:53,360 Ladies and gentlemen, this is the captain, we have technical problems... 69 00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:59,140 70 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:04,220 71 00:23:10,060 --> 00:23:12,100 are we ok 72 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,720 Turn off the gas. 73 00:23:31,300 --> 00:23:33,740 What? 74 00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:56,680 I want a picture of this so-called flying man, do you understand, kid? I don't care how you do it, just bring them to me. 75 00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:00,780 I want his pictures in the air, on the ground... 76 00:24:00,780 --> 00:24:02,780 I want his picture with his mother! 77 00:24:02,780 --> 00:24:07,180 I don't care, bring me his pictures. But it's like yesterday, you understand? 78 00:24:07,180 --> 00:24:09,600 - It's getting worse, boss. - Don't call me boss. 79 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,260 Safe! I have a banker who wants to talk. 80 00:24:12,260 --> 00:24:17,120 And we will publish this thing, big headline on the first page. 81 00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:21,600 God Lois, you always have the best articles, always. 82 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:27,700 - At least it's not a story I can't solve, Jimmy. - Listen, the banker is now the other party, I have something better for the first. 83 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:32,160 Flying man saved Flight 747. 84 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,160 - Flying man? - Listen... 85 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:39,340 Find out who he is, I want to know everything about him. I want to know what he had for breakfast, what color his shoes are... 86 00:24:39,340 --> 00:24:42,240 I want to know where he lives, I want to know everything! Do you understand that? 87 00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:46,540 Hey, I have a new reporter too, his name is clark. 88 00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:51,960 Clark Kent, will be sharing your table. Spend it on a little tour. 89 00:24:58,540 --> 00:25:02,340 I looked at him and he looked like he had a rash. 90 00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:05,140 No, it wasn't white, it was... 91 00:25:05,140 --> 00:25:09,500 ...yellow and a little slippery, but that's not my problem, so... 92 00:25:09,500 --> 00:25:12,040 Wait a minute. I'm listening. 93 00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:15,120 Clark, ClarkKent. New reporter. 94 00:25:15,120 --> 00:25:17,120 Mr. White is waiting for you there. 95 00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:19,680 All right. Thank you. 96 00:25:21,500 --> 00:25:25,020 Have you actually seen a man fly? 97 00:25:25,020 --> 00:25:28,220 Yes, about six feet tall... 98 00:25:28,220 --> 00:25:30,500 ...dark hair... 99 00:25:31,260 --> 00:25:34,760 ...and what was he wearing? Pajamas? 100 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:39,300 All right. This story keeps getting weirder. 101 00:25:39,300 --> 00:25:42,620 - Hello, you must be new! - Hello! 102 00:25:43,900 --> 00:25:50,000 I'm Jimmy, a local photographer. And this is Lois, the best investigative reporter in town. 103 00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:54,020 - Oh my God, it's an honor, Miss Lane. - Call me Lois. 104 00:25:54,020 --> 00:25:55,460 Your table is there. 105 00:25:55,460 --> 00:26:00,360 Clark, can you get it for me? black coffee with two sugar cubes? 106 00:26:00,360 --> 00:26:02,520 Probably Lois. 107 00:26:06,060 --> 00:26:09,040 This Clark Kent guy seems like a nice guy. 108 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:13,200 yes, you two are perfect for each other. 109 00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:17,460 - He was more powerful than a locomotive. - Please, Lois. 110 00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:26,400 Take it easy, Lois. I'm so sorry. 111 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:28,400 How did you do it? 112 00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:38,220 Great citizens of America, this is Lex Luther the greatest criminal genius of this century. 113 00:26:38,220 --> 00:26:44,680 You are probably wondering why I appeared on all the TV channels and blocked them on my… 114 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:50,260 ...a great speech. I have appeared to warn the citizens of Metropolis. 115 00:26:50,260 --> 00:26:53,920 You only have 15 minutes left to live. 116 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:59,780 I sent you a present, a Minuteman rocket and she is already on her way. 117 00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:06,220 The beautiful city of Metropolis and its inhabitants it will be nothing more than a pile of ashes. 118 00:27:07,060 --> 00:27:12,420 Unless you deposit 100 million to my Swiss bank account. 119 00:27:13,120 --> 00:27:15,900 Tick-tack America. The clock is ticking. 120 00:27:15,900 --> 00:27:17,900 Tick-tock, tick-tock. 121 00:27:19,300 --> 00:27:21,620 Who the hell is this idiot?! 122 00:27:23,900 --> 00:27:28,700 15 minutes? What should we do in 15 minutes? 123 00:27:29,900 --> 00:27:32,900 We're making another title about what we do! 124 00:27:32,900 --> 00:27:35,140 sorry, I have to do something. 125 00:27:42,020 --> 00:27:47,040 -Ahhh! - Sorry, you didn't see anything. 126 00:27:49,620 --> 00:27:53,200 -Clark. - Sorry. 127 00:28:04,940 --> 00:28:09,040 What is this? Is that a bird? 128 00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:13,760 - Airplane? - No, it's the guy in the red panties. 129 00:28:29,380 --> 00:28:33,860 God! The flying man stopped the missile! 130 00:28:34,540 --> 00:28:37,940 Wait! Giving me dick for no reason? 131 00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:41,020 132 00:28:41,020 --> 00:28:45,400 Look at this, the second bullet. 133 00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:48,000 We are lost, lost! 134 00:28:49,420 --> 00:28:52,340 Oh shit! 135 00:49:00,240 --> 00:49:05,520 Cholera! Who is this guy in the red panties? 136 00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:10,360 What business does he have interfering with the plans of the great Lex Luthor? 137 00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:14,180 I'm sure that it's just a one-time intervention, honey. 138 00:49:14,180 --> 00:49:16,860 Next time you can destroy Metropolis. 139 00:49:16,860 --> 00:49:20,740 But first I have to destroy this "Superman"! 140 00:49:20,740 --> 00:49:24,580 If anyone can do it, it's you, Lexi. 141 00:49:24,580 --> 00:49:26,580 Miss Tessmacher? 142 00:49:26,580 --> 00:49:28,580 Are you protecting me? 143 00:49:28,580 --> 00:49:34,220 Of course not Lex. I just think this thing is taking up more of your free time. 144 00:49:34,220 --> 00:49:39,280 You know, relax relax. 145 00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:45,480 The world won't end until tomorrow, and then you can destroy it. 146 00:49:46,720 --> 00:49:51,100 For the first time I must admit, Miss Tessmacher, that you might be right. 147 01:10:58,300 --> 01:11:00,940 This planet is so... 148 01:11:00,940 --> 01:11:03,980 ...colorful. 149 01:11:03,980 --> 01:11:08,320 What pathetic creatures can live here. 150 01:11:24,060 --> 01:11:27,140 We will have an answer soon. 151 01:11:35,760 --> 01:11:39,600 On your knees, creature. 152 01:11:41,000 --> 01:11:44,200 Kneel down! 153 01:11:44,660 --> 01:11:47,160 It's Zod. 154 01:12:01,300 --> 01:12:04,920 These creatures are not particularly bright. 155 01:12:04,920 --> 01:12:09,080 if you kill them, then they won't be able to kneel. 156 01:12:20,900 --> 01:12:24,940 See Zod, this Superman has Jor-el's emblem. 157 01:12:26,000 --> 01:12:28,120 Yes it is. 158 01:12:28,120 --> 01:12:33,320 I feel like we landed on a planet where there is a descendant of Jor'el. 159 01:12:34,040 --> 01:12:39,620 It's the Daily Planet must be the central seat of government of this world. 160 01:12:40,280 --> 01:12:41,880 Let's go there. 161 01:12:41,880 --> 01:12:45,420 There's a lot of work to do to end up on their knees. 162 01:12:50,560 --> 01:12:53,060 I want you to find Superman, Lois! 163 01:12:53,060 --> 01:12:58,460 Give me an exclusive interview and I guarantee it that you will have the front page for the next few issues. 164 01:12:58,460 --> 01:13:02,200 First row. You sure know how to talk to a woman, boss. 165 01:13:02,200 --> 01:13:06,480 Jesus Christ! 166 01:13:06,760 --> 01:13:11,020 Your government's defense is pathetic. 167 01:13:11,020 --> 01:13:14,500 This planet will be more powerful in an hour. 168 01:13:15,440 --> 01:13:17,760 Who's the boss? 169 01:13:17,760 --> 01:13:20,260 She, she's our head writer. 170 01:13:20,260 --> 01:13:26,400 lead writer, that's a pretty interesting term for a world leader. 171 01:13:26,400 --> 01:13:31,060 World leader? Look, Bob, I don't know what planet you're from, but... 172 01:13:31,060 --> 01:13:35,020 Silence! Show them who's boss now! 173 01:13:40,000 --> 01:13:43,340 Now the lead writer… 174 01:13:43,340 --> 01:13:45,980 ...kneel before Zod! 175 01:13:50,580 --> 01:13:54,260 listen I don't know what you want to achieve here, but... 176 01:13:54,780 --> 01:13:58,620 - Hand over the homepage to a new lead writer. - Already! 177 01:13:58,620 --> 01:14:02,620 Of course I can enjoy myself but... 178 01:14:02,620 --> 01:14:08,520 ...actually, I'm so turned on and I can't wait to have sex with three super villains. 179 01:14:10,040 --> 01:14:12,640 Deeper! 180 01:14:29,180 --> 01:14:31,220 Take it off! 181 01:14:31,860 --> 01:14:33,840 NOT! 182 01:14:34,360 --> 01:14:36,160 More! 183 01:15:51,640 --> 01:15:55,700 Now take off the rest. 184 01:16:02,140 --> 01:16:03,980 What are you doing? 185 01:16:07,300 --> 01:16:09,320 Take it off! 186 01:27:18,320 --> 01:27:23,580 - Nancy? - Clark, there are three people in Perry's office. 187 01:27:23,580 --> 01:27:26,260 I think Perry is dead and... 188 01:27:26,260 --> 01:27:28,720 ...and Lois! Lois is... 189 01:27:30,600 --> 01:27:31,840 Lois! 190 01:27:43,680 --> 01:27:48,800 Haha! Too late, son of Jor-el. 191 01:27:48,800 --> 01:27:53,200 I have already gained control over this planet and its leader. 192 01:27:53,200 --> 01:27:55,200 Just look at her face. 193 01:27:55,200 --> 01:28:01,920 It's not what it looks like, Superman. That means it was just smoking and not technically sex. 194 01:28:03,720 --> 01:28:05,860 Before this day is over... 195 01:28:05,860 --> 01:28:10,700 ...you two will kneel before me, Superman. 196 01:28:11,120 --> 01:28:14,860 But Zod. I will finish what my father started. 197 01:28:16,760 --> 01:28:21,240 On your knees! On your knees! On the floor and kneel! 198 01:28:21,240 --> 01:28:24,260 - Stop it! - On your knees! - Superman! 199 01:28:24,260 --> 01:28:25,660 NOT! 200 01:28:27,720 --> 01:28:30,060 At least my revenge will be complete 201 01:28:32,920 --> 01:28:37,540 It's impossible! 202 01:28:43,840 --> 01:28:48,620 There's one thing you'll never understand, Zod, in Metropolis, Superman always wins. 203 01:28:58,100 --> 01:29:01,720 Good thing I always have a spare Zone Crystal in my robe. 204 01:29:09,940 --> 01:29:14,780 Not to mention about additional wipes for babies. 205 01:29:15,980 --> 01:29:21,300 Superman, thank you so much. I just needed you to come. 206 01:29:22,920 --> 01:29:25,320 See you in the news. 207 01:29:31,300 --> 01:29:33,540 What about the interview? 208 01:29:36,640 --> 01:29:38,320 Perry! 209 01:29:42,080 --> 01:29:47,480 - Boss, it's over! - Take her, she's in charge! - It's over, boss, they're gone. 210 01:29:56,840 --> 01:30:01,080 Forget it, Clark. Superman already saved us 211 01:30:01,080 --> 01:30:03,080 Are you hurt? 212 01:30:03,080 --> 01:30:05,940 No, but... 213 01:30:05,940 --> 01:30:09,380 ...I think I'm in love. - Are you in love?! 214 01:30:09,840 --> 01:30:12,380 Cool 215 01:30:23,040 --> 01:30:26,960 - Hello, Lois! - Superman. 216 01:30:26,960 --> 01:30:31,780 - I hope you don't mind. - Not at all. 217 01:30:32,820 --> 01:30:37,360 I was just afraid that I will never see you again 218 01:30:37,360 --> 01:30:39,280 I thought you wanted to do an interview. 219 01:30:39,280 --> 01:30:43,060 I think that's a good idea so that the people of Metropolis would know who I am. 220 01:30:43,060 --> 01:30:46,720 - Will you help me tell my story? - What? I? 221 01:30:46,720 --> 01:30:49,220 I. I... 222 01:30:49,220 --> 01:30:51,920 - Do you agree? - Of course. 223 01:30:51,920 --> 01:30:54,420 Here, sit down. 224 01:30:55,220 --> 01:30:57,700 Thank you. 225 01:30:57,700 --> 01:30:59,380 The pleasure is mine. 226 01:30:59,380 --> 01:31:02,900 - How about a glass of wine? - No thanks. 227 01:31:02,900 --> 01:31:05,900 I never fly under the influence of alcohol. 228 01:31:10,260 --> 01:31:15,420 OK, let's start from the beginning, where were you born 229 01:31:15,420 --> 01:31:21,520 I was born in a galaxy far, far away, on a planet called Krypton, absorbed by a dying star. 230 01:31:21,840 --> 01:31:26,000 But before my planet died, my father sent me to Earth. 231 01:31:27,000 --> 01:31:30,620 Why do you have superpowers? 232 01:31:30,620 --> 01:31:34,140 My molecular structure is much more complex than human. 233 01:31:34,140 --> 01:31:36,140 Which makes me practically indestructible. 234 01:31:36,720 --> 01:31:42,300 Ok, except for flying and your super strength... 235 01:31:42,300 --> 01:31:44,720 ...do you have any other superpowers? 236 01:31:45,240 --> 01:31:49,220 - I can see through almost everything. - Can you? 237 01:31:49,220 --> 01:31:52,080 Only if I try, of course. 238 01:31:52,800 --> 01:31:56,860 ok superman what color are my panties? 239 01:32:00,620 --> 01:32:03,740 pink and... 240 01:32:03,740 --> 01:32:08,020 ...you're shaved there. - Superman. 241 01:32:08,920 --> 01:32:11,660 Do you always fly that long? 242 01:32:12,560 --> 01:32:15,040 That. 243 01:32:16,140 --> 01:32:19,040 Do you want to fly with me? 244 01:32:19,040 --> 01:32:21,040 I thought you'd never ask. 245 01:32:39,660 --> 01:32:43,880 Can you hear my thoughts? 246 01:32:47,040 --> 01:32:50,060 do you know how much do i want to fuck you? 247 01:32:50,560 --> 01:32:53,920 I bet you have a great dick 248 01:33:12,120 --> 01:33:17,160 Oh... You're tough there, Superman. 249 01:33:17,160 --> 01:33:20,000 Well, they don't call me the Man of Steel for nothing. 250 01:51:31,900 --> 01:51:34,600 You had great taste. 251 01:51:40,420 --> 01:51:43,900 you know lois I often defend the truth... 252 01:51:43,900 --> 01:51:46,080 ...and American views. 253 01:51:46,080 --> 01:51:48,860 But will I see you again? 254 01:51:50,560 --> 01:51:53,140 I just started telling you my story. 255 01:52:13,340 --> 01:52:17,040 Goodbye Superman! 256 01:52:18,180 --> 01:52:25,920 Oh my god! Miss Tessmacher, I believe we have found Superman's one weakness. 257 01:52:25,920 --> 01:52:29,340 Lex, baby You are a genius. 258 01:52:29,340 --> 01:52:31,560 Oh, I know that... 259 01:52:31,560 --> 01:52:33,760 ...I know.